When you need to understand instead of fighting


As parents and adults who take on the charge of helping children, I feel that this article is an important read. Please share this with others to reinforce the need to communicate effectively, not defensively.

On a daily basis, we experience situations where we are at odds with the actions or words of other people. It is human nature to disagree with other people at times. How we handle ourselves when this happens determines our quality of life, because it will establish how the rest of the world reacts to us.

John Wooden, the iconic basketball coach of UCLA, used to challenge his teams to learn to “disagree without being disagreeable.” We need to find the words to signal a disconnect without short-circuiting relationships. If you listen to people as they interface about their differences, you will hear all kinds of phrases that cause an increase in heat within the conversation. Here is a small set of examples you will recognize:

• What makes you think that…
• How could you possibly believe that…
• Who died and made you the queen of…
• You…

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2 thoughts on “When you need to understand instead of fighting

  1. Thank you Patricia!  Helpful article and good reminder at the start of another week.  Carol

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