Dealing with Fate; Deciding on Destiny

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— Begin Transcript —

I believe that destiny is not so unknowable.

So many people wonder how their life is going to turn out.

Where am I going to end up?

What will my ultimate legacy and contribution be in the world?

Will I live a good life?

Will I have success?

Will I make it?

Will I have the wealth and influence I need to achieve the things I want to achieve and contribute the things I want to contribute?

 Often people ask and say those things from such a disempowering place, as if they believe they have no hand in their destiny, and it’s all driven by fate, all driven by luck or blessings. And the truth is, it is driven by some of those things.

But I think most of our life — and where we’re going to end up in our lives — really comes down to three simple things.

And that first thing is deciding who you’re going to be.

 We shouldn’t hope to end up one day, a magnificent, strong, beautiful, capable, kind, loving person. We should start living like that today hopefully, so we become that.

Who we become is not an accident, but a purposeful intent that our days and how we approach our days are literally driven by the intention of who we’re going to be. That we bring our character into each of the circumstances of our lives and by doing that, maybe we can’t always direct every circumstance of our life and can’t control everything, but we can certainly control our responses to them.

 We can certainly dictate who we’re going to be in those circumstances and that helps us achieve our ultimate destiny that we desire, not one that just lands on us.

I think the other thing that helps people come into their power is when they really discover that each of our days is something that we can also design. Not just design who you’re going to be but how are you going to design your day, what’s it going to be about and what will get your attention and focus.

And what shouldn’t be getting your focus is your inbox or browser blackout, clicking on all these blue links or images, or swiping here and there and then losing 4-5 hours of your day.

 What ends up happening for so many people is they lose two or three hours to distraction each day, maybe four hours distraction of television a day, and over the course of their lives, a decade of opportunity is now gone. A decade of missed opportunities to connect with your family, to achieve your dreams and work a little harder to contribute that thing you always contribute and to learn that skill that you wanted to learn.

We have to decide on our days. We have to design them, to wake up and decide what this day will be about, what we’ll get done, and what deserves our focus or who we will reach out to, instead of just responding to everybody else’s needs.

 We did this thing in High Performance Academy, a simple study, and we found that if you check your email in the first hour of your day, unless you’re in customer service or your job is doing that each day, if you check your email in the first hour of the day, you lose 30% productivity over the course of the week. Why? Because you’re opening your day and your inbox and jumping on other people’s agendas.

The inbox is nothing but a convenient organizing system for other people’s agendas. If you wake up in reaction to the world you’re always going to be in reaction, so you won’t design your destiny you’ll just have one – and you may or may not like it.

First, we have to decide who we’re going to be.

Second, we have to design our days.

Third, we have to deal with fate.

Fate is a real thing. Things happen to us each day and maybe they were destined, and you either believe that or you don’t, but maybe the reality is that each day is always going to bring the same three recurring characters. Once you realize that then life isn’t so mysterious, it’s just about how you respond to those same three recurring characters, because they show up in cycles and throughout your life no matter what.

Fate only bears three essential things on the shoulders.

Every day what’s going to show up for us?

We know that at some point fate is going to introduce us to struggle and suffering. Things aren’t going to go well. We’ll have a bad day. We’ll have to go through things and times in our lives where we feel that we really are in a lot of pain and we have to suffer for a period of time. We may not know how long that period will be, but we do know that fate will introduce us to her.

 If that’s real then maybe we should decide as we become more mature beings, as we start trying to live a more consciously designed life that we say struggle is going to happen. Suffering is going to come and when it comes, who am I going to be and how, in those times, will I define and decide on what my day will be? Those things happen to all of us.

 I remember, after a recent accident, where I had a brain injury. I wrecked an ATV while racing with some friends on ATVs and I ended up with a brain injury. It was brutal. It was a period of time in my life where I felt like I was suffering every day physically. I had broken my wrist, broken my ribs, threw out my hip, had whiplash, and had a lasting concussion that led to the need for getting help by neuroscientists in order to recover.

 In the process of healing and therapy, it was difficult.

So, I had to be even more disciplined about who I was going to be and what my day was going to be about, what emotions I would bring to light, what habits I was going to form and where I was going to allow myself to go, mentally.

Could I go into that deep chasm of negativity and drowned in my own pools of pessimism? Or, could I find something more to attach to? Could I find something to be enthusiastic about in the future, even if today sucked, that’s our great challenge in dealing with the fate that sometimes brings us struggle and suffering.

Fate also brings us gifts and blessings. We ought to be aware of those and incredibly grateful and thankful for them. I think, the more that we appreciate and experience the gifts and blessings of life with real joy and deep gratitude,

I think fate says hey, this gal/guy over here they like this, let’s get a little more. It’s recognition by the universe, God, the Creator of the cosmos, whatever it is that you vibe to that says yeah, this person appreciates what they’ve been given.

Even if you don’t believe in all that divine stuff, then maybe you can look around and think about who you should appreciate today.

Who deserves more gratitude for the blessings and gifts that they brought into my life?

Maybe you should take stock and realize just how lucky you are to be breathing, to be alive and have the gifts, opportunities, the joys and the strengths that you have and maybe encourage the people around you to have that same sense.

I think we also get to decide how we will deal with fate when it brings us the good things.

I think the last character that fate continually brings into our life is love and loss. We get to meet new people. There are seven billion people on the planet and we get to connect with people, so we should:

Compliment and feel connected with them,

Think about the people that we love and reach out to them,

Send them a letter or email,

Call them,

Thank them,

Put our hand on their shoulder, and

Appreciate them.

I think the gift that fate keeps bringing back to us, of love, as this recurring character in our life is one of our greatest gifts and blessings, if I can blur those lines just a bit.

There’s someone in your life who’s loved you and there are people in your life who you love. How attentive and appreciative are you to those people? That’s designing your destiny as well, because at the end you’re going to wonder whether or not you really loved, so why not live your life each day by conscious design, so at the end your movie looks like a love epic.

And there’s also the reality of loss. Several years ago, I had to deal with that when I lost my dad. He was one of my great heroes and friends, and I remember as I’m struggling through that — my entire family struggled through it — from his diagnosis of acute myeloid leukemia to his death was 59 days. We lost him very quickly, we had no idea it was coming and when that happens you have to ask how you’re going to deal with it.

 How are you going to deal with loss?

We’re all going to lose something that we love. We’re all going to lose someone that we love, it’s going to happen it’s inevitable, because none of us escape that fate. So when it happens, what will you bring to it? Where will your mind be? What will you focus on?

I focused on appreciation, sheer joy and gratitude in my memory of my ability to carry on my father’s torch, of my ability to carry on his message.

He was always saying the same things to us, so I would sit down and write them out and think about what he said.

He was always saying, ‘Be yourself. Do your best. Be a good citizen. Be kind to others and respect them. Follow your dreams.’ All these things he would say to us, I would just write them down and usually I can recollect them, so I choose to focus on his message and who he was as a man, what he brought into my life and what I might be able to bring into my family’s life by honoring and modeling him.

That’s the way you have to deal with things. We’re all going to lose someone so just carry them on so it doesn’t feel like such a loss.

Carry on their message, their spirit, their teachings and the things that made them alive and vibrant, joyous and loving, and then it’s not such a hard fate to suffer through.

It will always suck! I will always miss my dad and wish he was here, but he is here and that’s what brings me joy.

Those are the things I think that help us decide our destiny. 

What are you going to be about today?

What’s your day today, going to be designed as?

What are you going to focus on today, tomorrow or the next time that fate turns its head either positively or negatively towards you, what are you going to do with it?

That’s the question of the consciously designed life.

Dr. Pat McGuire‘s insight:

I find that Brendon Burchard is a man with a great message.  When we are dealing with stresses and frustrations, how are we going to emerge from them?  How are we going to approach our children, spouse or significant other?  How are we going to see those who bring us the stress – the teachers, principals, mental health providers – who only see our children or us through a negative lens?


We can decide to let them choose a negative path for us, or we can decide ourselves a better, more engaged path of life.


I hope you enjoy his message.

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